What TO DO about your inner Arnold?
The terminator that lives within.
“I don’t amount to anything”
“It’s all fake”
“My reasoning is faulty”
“I am fake”
“Empty talk!”
“I cannot hold a thread of thoughts together”
My new and delicious all black ball point pen makes a shift killing.
The words fly onto the fine blank paper of my indigo blue note book (which my 6 yo picked out for me for my birthday, together with a set of pastel highlighters – he’s the best).
I have been attempting to write this newsletter for a few days now.
I have created 4 excellent drafts of several different themes.
And this morning at 9.49 am. I am stuck.
Life has been surging forth with intense speed lately.
If I wasn’t careful I might just say, I have luck on my side.
Success looms at the horizon, like a ship that comes into view, slowly but steadily.
Almost like a threat.
As a seasoned creator, who has sat through numerous destructive hurricanes, and a few groundbreaking earthquakes, I am not surprised the Black Panther (Mr. Parker Pen) is spewing out atrocities.
Julia Cameron wisely writes that the difference between blocked artists and those who create, is that those who create, have learnt to live and deal with the inner critic’s attacks.
They have stood up in the dingy and faced the storm victoriously enough times to know what to do when TERMINATOR 1 shows up on what seems like an innocent Thursday morning.
Since he is here (and yes, sometimes he is a she), I thought to share with you some of what I do when the destructive red light glimmer in my rear view mirror asking me to PULL ASIDE.
One of the things, I often do is I make art out of the very pain. I am doing that right now.
This newsletter is a big Fck You to the powers that are trying to stop me from creating.
I have burnt numerous notebooks filled with poetry which rose in opposition to the Terminators harsh words.
A habit I began on a railway bridge at 17.
Some of the acts of rebellion against HIM have been turned into scenes of plays I have written.
So, Make ART.
Sometimes when I notice the hurricane arisings, I take out all of our pens, and invite the TagTeam of two to draw with me. And I destroy the DESTRUCTORS attack with the power of the best Washable ,Primary Colors I can find in the box.
For taking on the TERMINATOR is often best done with taking the Mick (as they say in the UK).
Make fun, find joy, play about silly.
No bad mood can withstand a very well timed and placed joke.
Still, back to black business.
Number two, on the robot kill list, is writing a response back.
This is another trick from Cameron.
“I amount to nothing”
Becomes
“I amount to an immense output of creative work that spans over 25 years.”
“It is all fake”
Becomes
“The impact of my efforts have had on the lives of others has been evidenced over the years with continuous grateful messages, personal comments and pay-checks. The reality of these cannot be questioned.”
“My reasoning is faulty”
Becomes
“Through my sound reasoning I have obtained more than 10 grants, two university degrees, numerous parts in plays, dozens of jobs, strings of “lucky” reasoned breaks. Really, the list is endless my love.”
“I am fake”
Becomes
“This is quite an oxymoron, a cognitive distortion, I am not made out of plastic.”
We often hear the phrase “do not believe everything you think.”
But to learn how not to believe, we must practice.
Practice talking back.
Practice creating a MONSTER you can face, i.e. call it the TERMINANTOR.
Give a name to the pen of destruction (mine are called the pink and black panther).
Learn healthy self-defense.
And know, you are not alone.
Most of us face this beast.
Even after 20 years of creative work.
Take pen to paper.
You will make it through the storm.
Trust me.
I know.
Love,
K
PS - If you’d like to book a 15 minute call to talk more about your creative life or work use the link for a Chat with K here.
PPS. If you are interested in developing Mindful Embodiment as means for phasing your inner voiced, follow this link take the questionnaire. I will get in touch soon after.